ItsTheRoyalJester 2024-06-16 18:59:07

Hey, newgrounds is making the indenting weird, I promise that on the original word file that I have of this piece that its a lot cleaner, If there is someone to talk to about this or if anyone knows how to fix this, please let me know ASAP

jamriot 2024-07-01 19:59:12

Awesome work! Your character relationships really made this piece go from good to great. I love the way you introduced the repeating fight as Val rewound time, and I really enjoy the way you wrote Vita's care for Val. Saturn's presence also helped make this piece really strong! This was really cool, thanks for participating and I hope to see you in the next one as well!

Remi-le-Oduen 2024-07-03 12:14:01

A great entry, totally enjoyed it. I expected a bit more of a downfall because of "humility" being used, but this outcome is good too, love the dynamics in rewinding scene.

Intrapath 2024-08-03 01:47:14

This was a really enjoyable read! I loved the ways the characters bounced off of each other, and it was nice to see Val learn her lesson without any major consequence - I thought it fit the relatively lighthearted nature of the story well. I also had a hunch that Neades *was* Saturn, but I'm glad to see the story went in a different direction.

A nice touch was how you trusted the reader to understand how the time rewinding worked the first time it was seen in action. Even though it was outlined really clearly leading up to the scene with Neades, once she's actually using the ability, there's no explicit line like "and then she rewinded time". The flow of the scene is maintained nicely just by echoing a previous line. Nicely done!